Leading Self: Navigating the Path to Greater Self-Awareness

Photo by Heidi Fin on Unsplash

When done well, leader development focuses on three aspects: our relationship to self, our relationship toward others, and our relationship to productivity. Suppose we only focus on the outward expression of leadership without concern for the inward reality. In that case, we risk being a self-absorbed leader who might cause significant damage--versus being a leader who serves and empowers others for the betterment of the organization. There is a great cultural emphasis today on self everything. We are told to continually aim at becoming our best selves. We are pushed toward self-improvement on a number of different levels, including health, vocation, appearance, competency, intelligence, and mental well-being. However, the unintended outcome of this focus on self-leadership can result in a posture of self-aggrandizement. The cultural emphasis can lean toward self-promotion and self-advancement, sometimes at the expense of others. 

Ultimately, our purpose in leading self well is for transcending self through our outward leadership. Leading self well allows us to express a more effective form of servant leadership to empower others. If we fall into the trap of leading ourselves for self-advancement, we will fall prey to pride and use our authority to empower ourselves at the expense of others. Being good at leading ourselves flows directly from a path of growing self-awareness. A path of self-awareness that transcends self and empowers others has five components. Each one is labeled and defined below. 

Design

Design reflects something brought into existence for a particular purpose. By definition, it includes thoughtful planning. Biblically, we can consider two aspects of God's design on us. He creates us--he brings us into existence. And he forms us--by molding and shaping us through various circumstances and experiences for his unique purposes. This is true for individuals and groups of people. For our focus on self-leadership, design includes our strengths, personality, and spiritual gifting.

Passions

Personal passions can show up in two very different ways. The first are passions that focus on fleshly indulgences, often resulting in self-destructive patterns and ultimately harming others. This may be a passion for power, a passion for control, or a passion for comfort or ease. This form of passion often brings suffering to the leader and those he leads. Another kind of passion is one that looks out upon the world and is drawn to the brokenness of the world--its hurts and pains. This is a passion that is a form of suffering but seeks to bring healing. When you see suffering, you feel compelled to enter into that suffering and do something to alleviate that suffering. This can be true when looking at your organization, community, or the world. 

Wounds & Threads

If there are no wasted experiences with God, it is worth looking back to look ahead. Part of spiritual discernment is noticing where God has already been at work--forming and shaping us for his unique purposes. Two avenues of looking back involve wounds and threads. 

Wounds reflect those areas where we may have experienced some form of guilt or shame that diminished our capacity to live and lead well relationally. This may result from a series of experiences--or one primary experience or theme that has risen to the top over time. It may be reflected through continual thoughts or labels such as not good enough, not worthy, will never be successful, always a dreamer, lazy, stupid, unlovable, etc. If these wounds go undiscovered and unredeemed, they will affect one's ability to lead oneself and others well. If these wounds are named, and we allow them to be redeemed, they can impact and shape our leadership significantly and positively. 

Threads reflect areas of divine interest, growing usability, and effectiveness over time. What have been some consistent heart desires for you? What have been some consistent themes of interest? When you have experienced genuine moments of delight, what were you doing? Where have you been consistently effective over time--what do people compliment you for? One way to help you discover these threads of usability is to ask a few close friends, "How have you seen God use me over the course of my life?" These revealed threads are a vital part of your calling, your overall purpose, and your direction. These continuities can be a helpful piece to understand better who you are and who you are not--and how God may want to use you in the next season of life. 

Affirmations & Personal Values

Affirmations and personal values play a significant role in building our leadership confidence and integrity. Good self-awareness is not simply about assessing who we are but also about who we want to become. Affirmations and values begin to frame the future leader we want to be. 

To affirm someone is to validate a significant quality about them. It is a positive statement that is true and binding about a person's character, capacity, or competency. Self-affirmations must be anchored in humility and revealed truth. They may arise from our innate talents and abilities that have been honed over time. Or they may arise from the consistent feedback we receive from others over time. When we thoughtfully consider and affirm certain traits in our lives, we declare something core about our being to ourselves. "I am a leader." "I am a teacher." "I am a strategic problem solver." The expression and practice of these affirmations is never toward self-aggrandizement but always toward service. 

Personal values are anchored in belief and expressed through daily behaviors. They represent both consistent behaviors that are fruitful and ones we aspire to. These are not mere platitudes but a vision for our lives lived out in real-time. It surely does not mean we behave perfectly but are intent on living consistently. An example may be, "To daily live with integrity--to live a consistent life of soundness in my speech, behavior, and teaching" or "To daily live out courage--to live with a full heart revealed in adventure, perseverance, and resilience." When our honest and truthful affirmations align with our daily consistent behaviors, we can live and lead with humility, boldness, and confidence in serving others. 

Calling

"Calling" is often seen as a quest to determine what God wants us to do with our lives. In that vein, we often consider "calling" a somewhat mystical and ethereal pursuit. How do we hear from God, and how do we know when we have heard from God? Is he trying to hide something from us? Why is he not clearer, and his calling not plain to us? 

The primary word in Hebrew and Greek for "calling" in the Bible implies an invitation. There is a dynamic of intimacy tied to this biblical notion. If we genuinely desire to know what God is inviting us to do, we must get close enough to him to hear his invitations. This requires faith and dependence. It requires faith to believe that God is--and that he truly does desire to communicate with us and to us. It will also require a step (or likely several steps) of faith to move forward and act on his invitations. It requires ongoing dependence through conscious steps of surrender and our declaration of our need for his grace to empower us for what is next.

By looking at your unique design, your healthy outward-focused passions, your journey of wounds and threads of continuity, what you want to affirm about yourself and how you want to behave as a leader, and your divine invitations toward a significant contribution--you can arrive at a more confident, purposeful, and empowering form of servant leadership.

Leadership coaching can be a great help on the path to greater self-awareness. Schedule a consultation to learn more about coaching using this exact framework!

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